By Fritz Gilbert, originally published at The Retirement Manifesto.
An old man is knocking at my door.
At some point, he’ll find a way to get in. Once he enters, I know he’ll be here to stay.
Until then, I’m doing everything in my power to keep him out.
Today, some thoughts on that old man, and 5 Practical Tips to address the reality of aging.
Getting older is inevitable, so what should we do about it? Today, 5 practical tips for aging.Share on X
The Old Man At The Door
At 63 years old, I’m proud to say that I’m in the best shape of my life. I’ve added a diverse mix of fitness activities into my retired life, and I can feel the results.
I feel great, but I know it won’t last.
I can sense that old man on the other side of that door. He makes himself known after a long drive, with that irritating sciatica thing in my back. It also takes longer to heal when I tweak something, and there are a few more minor aches and pains these days.
I’m a realist, and I know there will come a day, in the not-too-distant future, when he’ll breach the walls of my castle and take up permanent residence.
I’ve been thinking about the approach to that old man.
- Should we ignore him?
- Should we obsess over him?
- Should we do what we can do, and leave it at that?
From that thinking, I came up with the following 5 practical steps for your consideration.
5 Practical Steps To Address The Reality of Aging
I consider these 5 steps as my personal guidelines for how I’m going to treat the old man in the years ahead. As you read them, think of how to modify them for your life. Apply and modify what works for you. Most importantly, think about how you’re going to approach the realities of aging in your own life.
Like most things, the more you plan, the smoother the transition when change becomes reality.
1. Be A Realist
The first step is simply admitting the old man is real. Don’t ignore him, and don’t obsess over the realities of aging. If we’re fortunate, we’ll all get old, so we should embrace aging as a sign of success. We made it to old age! Pretending he’s not there won’t slow him down; it just means we won’t be ready when he finally gets through that door.
I’ve seen people handle this two different ways. If you keep an eye on your old High School classmates, you’ve probably noticed the same. Some deny it entirely, refusing to adjust anything about how they live, only to get blindsided when their bodies force the issue. Others obsess over everything, and their worry diminishes the joy of their “good years.”
Neither extreme works. Realism means looking objectively at what’s happening without denying or being consumed by it. Like retirement, aging is something we can plan for. The better we plan, the better those days will be when he ultimately gets through that door.
In fairness, there’s a third option, somewhere between the two extremes, that represents my suggested approach. It starts with being a realist, and continues with the following steps.
2. Control What Is Within Your Control
Once you’ve accepted the old man is coming, the next question is obvious: what can you actually do about the timing?
To me, the answer is easy. I love to push my body, and I know he finds the door harder to open every time I push. I’m a fan of the “Use it or lose it” approach to longevity, so I try to use “it” a lot. I made a significant investment in building the home gym shown above, and consider it money well spent. I view it as “A financial investment for a non-financial benefit,” and the benefit outweighs the cost. I do strength and cardio training 3-4x/week, and intend to focus on fitness for the rest of my life. As a bonus, my wife uses it, too!
I can hear the collective sigh now. Ugh, another fitness pitch. If that’s you, I’d encourage you to challenge why you feel that way. Perhaps there’s guilt knowing it’s something you should do, but you always make excuses. It’s time to be a realist and experiment with ways to get started. Begin with a small walk after you read this article. Do it again tomorrow morning. Read The Serenity Prayer below and challenge yourself to focus on what is within your control.
Next Up: Eating right. A second focus is eating healthier foods. For me, it’s pretty easy, given that my wife is a great cook and shares my goal of “eating right” (BTW, we’ve been experimenting with Mediterranean recipes lately, with great success). My go-to breakfast is a fruit smoothie with a bunch of healthy stuff blended in (yes, that includes Collagen and Protein). I still struggle with snacks at night, but I’ve replaced ice cream with frozen grapes, so I’m making progress.
Some other areas that are within your control:
Regular Check-ups: As we age, it’s important to maintain regular physicals and other recommended testing. Finding problems early is a key to longevity, and it won’t happen if you make a habit of avoiding the doctor’s office. One thing to consider, if you’re comfortable doing this: Copy your blood test results into ChatGPT and ask for an explanation of what they mean and what lifestyle changes you should consider. I’ve done it, it’s cool. (Cue the comments that you should never post anything personal into AI…I get it, hence the disclaimer “If you’re comfortable.’)
Educate Yourself: Start by doing some research on longevity. Reid Stone has done impressive work building a comprehensive resource called the Longevity Network, pulling together a wealth of information on the topic. It’s worth spending time there if you want to understand what actually moves the needle.
Mindset: Be deliberate about where you focus your attention. Based on this recent Yale Study, roughly half of folks over 65 “improved physically, mentally, or both over time, despite the common belief that aging means constant decline. Researchers found that people with more positive attitudes about getting older were significantly more likely to show these gains.
Focus on maintaining a positive mindset, and spend less time worrying about politics and social media. Both of those are outside your control, and stressing over them will likely reduce, rather than increase, your good years. Recognize what you can control, and what you can’t. Focus on the former.
Cognitive: Finally, don’t forget your mind in all this. Cognitive decline is as real as physical decline, and it responds to the same principle. Feed it well and give it a lot of exercise. For me, that means working my brain as I type out these words on my keyboard. Blogging is more than a hobby for me; it’s also an exercise I enjoy that challenges my mind. I’ve also increased the amount of time I spend reading in retirement, for the same reason.
Whatever the vehicle, keep challenging yourself to learn, argue, and create. A mind that’s still working is a mind that’s keeping that old man outside the door.
3. Enjoy Life As You Live It
One of the most impactful posts I’ve published is Your 12 Good Years, a guest post by Dan Haylett. I heard from a reader who actually decided it was time to retire after reading that post. If you missed it the first time, go read it now. TLDR; You’ve only got 12 years of healthy living post-retirement, so stop procrastinating and enjoy them now.
Intentionally decide to enjoy life as you live it. Take that trip you’ve been thinking about while you still can.
Decide you’ll stop worrying so much. I don’t know anyone who actually enjoys worrying, so check yourself whenever you find yourself making mountains out of molehills. That’s not enjoying life.
Spend your time focusing on what you want to accomplish while that old man is still outside, then do it. Twelve years sounds like plenty of time, but it will pass quicker than you expect. That’s not a reason to panic.
It’s a reason to act. While you’re at it…
Don’t obsess over doing everything right. Missing the occasional workout won’t undo years of consistency. Enjoying a nice glass of wine with dinner isn’t going to kill you. Taking Social Security a bit earlier than “optimal” isn’t going to ruin your financial life, and may be worth it if it lets you take that trip you’ve been dreaming of, while you still can.
Focus on relationships: As I was writing this article, my friend Jim at Route To Retire published 10 Pillars of Lifestyle Design: Evolving into a Life of Happiness. I’ve included the following quote from his article given its relevance to the discussion:
“The lack of social connection poses a significant risk for individual health and longevity. Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. More broadly, lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”
— Office of the U.S. Surgeon General – Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation
26% and 29% – that’s not a small effect. Diet and exercise get all the attention in longevity conversations, but relationships may matter just as much. In effect, you’re making the door harder for that old man to open every time you have dinner with old friends, a phone call with the kids, or an afternoon playing with the grandchildren.
Get out and enjoy life.
Better yet, do it with friends.
4. Minimize Regrets
The only thing worse than getting old is getting old with a long list of regrets.
Once that old man gets in, those regrets are there to stay. You’ll always wish you’d taken that trip while you still could. You’ll regret not spending more time with those who are now gone. You’ll regret it when you realize your priorities were misplaced. You’ll regret not doing that thing because you were too worried about money.
The time to avoid regrets is now. This month, this year. Do the things now that you’ll look back on with satisfaction. It’s better than making excuses, only to look back with regret at the things you didn’t do.
Take time to think about what’s important for you. Think about what you’ll regret if you don’t do it.
A potential exercise to consider: Imagine yourself old. Really old. Like, “You can’t get out of bed” old. Let’s put you in a nursing home. Watching TV all day, taking continual naps and waiting for them to wheel you down to lunch. If you’re like me, you’ll find that thought depressing. That’s ok, embrace it. After lunch, when they heave you back up into that bed, what regrets will you have when you look back at your (insert current age) 63-year-old self? What do you wish you had told yourself, with the wisdom you’ve gained with age?
Make it a thought experiment, and try to get specific about your priorities.
Then, make a list.
That list represents the actions you should take now to reduce the risk of future regret. Focus on one thing you’re curious about, and take that first step. Maybe it’s that one relationship you decided to restore, or that trip you started planning as soon as you finished reading this article.
The old man doesn’t just take away your health when he moves in. He takes away your remaining chances to close the gaps you left open.
Minimize the gaps now, while you still can.
5. Keep Eternity in Mind
This last one is a personal faith statement, so it’s your choice whether to take it or leave it. As a Christian, my true hope comes from knowing that aging isn’t the end. It’s merely a phase, not unlike slogging through the mud during that final year of work before retirement. The really good years are on the other side of that mud.
My hope comes not from the steps outlined above, but from knowing that the final phase will far surpass anything even the best retirement provides. Sure, I’ll do what I can to delay the aging process. But I’m also embracing the reality of what comes next, and I’m excited about it. Our lifespan, even if we make it to 100, is a rounding error against the duration of eternity.
When viewed through a spiritual lens, your perspective of time changes.
As do your priorities.
Challenge yourself to think about where you’re “investing your treasure”. If you haven’t invested in your Spirituality, I strongly encourage you to weave it into your thinking about aging. The next time you’re taking a walk, resist the urge to think about your “to-do” list, and spend time pondering those important spiritual matters you’ve been ignoring.
It’s only through the eyes of eternity that the old man at the door loses his bite. Sure, he may live in my house for a few years, but I’m leaving him behind when I move on to greener pastures, and his memory will be but a mist.
Fact: After aging comes death.
It’s up to you to decide what you believe happens after that.
I know what I believe, and it puts that Old Man firmly in his place.
Conclusion
As I started thinking about how I’m going to deal with the Old Man At The Door, the main question it raised was “What’s actually worth doing with the years I can’t get back?”
That’s a question each one of us should ask ourselves. It is, in effect, the question I attempt to answer with my 5 Practical Steps. In summary, I think the right answer is to give him enough attention, and no more, to ensure we use the years before he arrives wisely:
- Be realistic.
- Control what is within your control.
- Enjoy life as you live it.
- Avoid regrets.
As I spent time thinking about it, I realized the fifth (Keep Eternity in Mind) is more important to me than the others. Sure, that old man is a concern, and it makes sense to do what we can to fortify that door. But…those limited years we have before he arrives aren’t the only years that matter.
Ultimately, the entire discussion is irrelevant when viewed from an eternal perspective through a spiritual lens. Regardless of how harshly that old man treats me, I know he’s just a short-term visitor.
He’s not following me where I’m going.
Your Turn: What steps are you taking to delay the old man? If he’s already entered your castle, what do you wish you had done differently before he arrived? Let’s chat…
The post The Old Man At The Door appeared first on The Retirement Manifesto.
Fritz Gilbert writes at The Retirement Manifesto. Read this article on their site.
